“If relationship is effort I will match your work.”
Common
It’s not about you, Dad
First and above all: If you’re a dad and your wife gave birth, don’t make it about you. If your surrogate gave birth to your child, don’t make it about you. If you adopted a child, don’t make it about you. It’s about the baby, not you or your job. Since that’s covered….
You should get paternity leave as a father. You certainly should get maternity leave as a mother.
Let’s go global first for a different parent scenario:
🏴 England offers 39 weeks paid and they can take up to 52 weeks with some unpaid
🇯🇵 In Japan, mothers and fathers get 52 weeks of leave after the birth of a child, while earning 67% of income for the first six months and 50% during the second half
🇸🇪 Sweden offers 68 weeks paid (again, this is the government backing this) and women can take 68 weeks off and are guaranteed 480 days of paid time off from work after a new birth or adoption
Back in the USA
🇺🇸 The U.S. offers zero time off as a government policy. Zero. None. 0. Not a minute, hour, day, week or month of parental leave.
Okay, okay… the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) provides certain employees with up to 12 weeks of unpaid, job-protected leave per year. That applies only to public agencies, public and private elementary and secondary schools, and companies with 50 or more employees. So, if you are one of the many thousands – the majority – in the U.S., you don’t get any time off.
When should you go back? And how exactly?
You may get paid or unpaid parental leave as a Dad. Like everything else, it depends. Even if new moms and dads don’t feel the pain of postpartum, they likely want to spend time with their newborn. It seems logical to take as much time as your current employer will allow. As for entrepreneur Dads, it’s up to you! As your own boss, you can decide when you take off, and when you need to get back to running your business.
It’s imperative that you and your partner discuss and agree upon a return date. Your partner will need your support and a sense of understanding regarding the time you all will have together.
In addition to when, you and your partner will need to concur upon the terms of your return to work. These are the are the foundational agreements and proclamations you stick to as you and your partner go back to work after having a baby. Your values and morals dictate these proclamations as much as social and business constructs. These two ideas don’t often run in parallel, but you’ll have to navigate them – with as little turbulence as possible – all the same.
Time
As a new/second/multiple father, your boss still expects 100% of your time. This is irrational and impossible. Your baby expects 100% of your time also. That, my friend, is totally reasonable. You ought to go home and see your partner and new baby. Lay down the law with your boss early. It’s not about demanding to him/her what you need, but explaining to them the value of having you as part of their organization and the change that will need to be accepted as you are parenting a new child.
Breast feeding
Help the mom or care-giver when they’re working from home and need to pump, store and supply. This may mean taking care of lunch, managing the other kids or getting mom what she needs. If your partner pumps for bottles, you take care of those bottles like gold. Use the pumping station to feed your child if you can bring your child and bottles to work.
Workload vs. House Chores
More kids means more everything*: clothes to wash, dishes and bottles to clean, toys to pick up, and money to spend.
All the while, you have to maintain and improve at work. Find the right balance to keep both your home and work life running while staying sane. Some days you may have to dip into work hours to run a load or two. Then, you may have to dip into the home office for a few hours on the weekend to wrap up some work. It’s a balance, Dad. Beer can help with sanity, too, in moderation.
*Shirt idea? 🤔
Land a New Job
The idea of paid parental leave for mothers and fathers is picking up steam. Hitch your wagon to a company that leans more European and allows for you and your spouse to take time off. For example, FedEx, Etsy, Netflix, Shopify, and Salesforce (among others) offer six months or more of paid leave for both primary and secondary caregivers.
Check out this list of US companies offering the best maternity leave. The top 5 corprorations in terms of number of weeks leave are:
52 Weeks
“Netflix by far offers the longest paid family leave out of all the tech companies we asked. Salaried employees, including birth and adoptive parents of any gender, can take up to a year off at full pay following the birth or adoption of their child.”
52 Weeks
“All employees are entitled to 52 weeks’ maternity leave and are specifically required to take two weeks off following childbirth off as Compulsory Maternity Leave.”
52 Weeks
“Up to 52 weeks’ maternity leave, two weeks’ compulsory maternity leave, 26 weeks’ ordinary maternity leave, and 26 weeks’ additional maternity leave.”
50 Weeks
“FedEx offers wedding leave, maternity leave, and paternity leave. Expecting mothers and fathers will receive 50 weeks of paid maternity leave, 50 weeks of unpaid maternity leave, and two weeks of paid paternity leave. Mothers can choose to decline the unpaid leave if they wish.”
28 Weeks
“Biological mothers will continue to receive six to eight weeks of short-term disability time off, for a total of 28 weeks of maternity leave.”
Source: https://buildremote.co/companies/best-maternity-leave/
Last and certainly not least, be empathetic
Get or do something nice for your partner and child’s caregiver for no reason but to show them you love them and your newborn. It could be a 90 minute break to get their nails done or work out; or try picking up a bottle (two?) of their favorite wine and making dinner one night. Even a shoulder rub when they’re tense after you both had a long day. It matters and goes a long way for your partner.
Need help planning? Get started on our resources page here.
