“Love is like money: Hard to find and easy to lose”
Unknown
Words of advice for your kid’s relationships with their quasi-significant others and their personal finances.
One of my favorite gifts ever was an antique deer antler bottle opener that my mother gave me for my birthday. It was beautiful and used frequently, because I drank a lot of beer at the time. Since, she’s gifted me unique bottle openers on my birthdays and holidays. They’re special to me in ways that go beyond price, market value or allure. They mean something more than physical attributes. I didn’t understand the true value of these types of gifts until later in life and after a lot of wasted money.
Back in my younger days…
I thought material gifts were the only ones to get for my girlfriends in my 20’s. I fell into the grips of consumerism and didn’t focus at all on what it means to actually be with someone.
For example: I went out with this girl in my early 20’s who was mega rich. Like, fly all of her friends to South Beach to party for her 21st birthday-type rich. While our friends reveled in her extremism, our relationship suffered. Her dad passed away months earlier and it left a hole in her heart that I tried to fill with gifts and servitude. I was way out of my depth.
I gave her a laptop (she thought she was a writer) and cookware (she said she wanted to be a chef) and designer clothes (after she said she always bought me clothes and I never bought her anything). I spent thousands of dollars on things for this dying relationship.
Even worse, I ruined my personal friendships by spending all my time with her and ignoring my friends. I wanted to break up with her the whole time. I felt tremendous guilt when I did end it, because she had lost her father. I didn’t want to add to her grief. In hindsight, I should’ve done it far sooner.
I made so many mistakes. I thought materialism was a symbol of love. Other times, I thought it was the way to win them back when we fell out of love. To me, the very thought of love was an intoxicating, money-draining drug.
Some advice…
You can’t block your kids from falling in love. But, you can help them recognize real love and teach them the basics of personal finance. They need guidance because relationships are an investment.
When your child is courting their partner, they’ll spend money. Then, they’ll spend more on moving in together, wedding, kids, and all that. Even if they don’t go that traditional route, they’ll need to understand the pitfalls of real love, the perception of love (it’s such a slippery slope), and where their finances fit into the tricky equation.
When they feel like it’s the real thing, it could very well be veiled consumerism. It could be clothes and status symbols; drugs and other pleasure points. No matter which, consumerism will tell your kids that expensive things or comfort or companionship are equal love. They do not.
Not only will they deplete self esteem and self love, but they’ll deplete their bank accounts. Hold strong and teach your kids the value of love and money.
